Biskyland...

What is Biskyland? Well, it's where I say I live when people ask, although it has developed into a place that would be loveley to visit. I can go more into detail about that later. The main point of this post is to say that in Biskyland, your spelling rules don't really apply. So don't be surprised to see a random mix of British English, American English, and phonetic English. That's all. For now, at least...

Cinna-man and Naked Coal Miners.

There's a ripping noise. Kat explains that she's having her legs waxed. Her stylist apologizes, mentioning how hairy she is. Oh yes. Kat has stylists. Venia has aqua hair and gold tattoos. Octavia is plump with pale green skin. Flavius has orange "corkscrew locks" and purple lipstick. I'm not entirely sure wha the author means by corkscrew locks, but whatever. Yay human characters.
It turns out that Kat is getting her whole body waxed. Poor girl. Her stylists are full of compliments, telling her that she's not too ugly once all the hai and dirt is removed. Try telling a girl that on your first date. You'll definiteley be punched.
Kat sits around naked waiting to meet her actual stylist, rather than the three random stylists. He comes in. He looks mostly normal. His name is Cinna.
CINNA IS A MAN! HE'S A CINNA-MAN! CINNAMON!
Sorry. I couldn't resist.
Kat and Cinna eat fancy food for lunch. Kat imagines making it at home. She says that, after days of hard work, she could still only manage a poor substitute.
Kat seems rather whiney. I understand that life has not been kind to her, but it seems to be the only thing she ever mentions. I know several people who, in my opinion, have been through worse than she's been through so far, and none of them mention their difficulties every other sentence. Kat needs to shut up for a while.
Cinna and Kat discuss outfits. 12 usually has coal miner outfits, but Cinna wants to focus on the coal. Kat is sure that she'll be paraded in front of the nation naked and covere in coal dust. (Sexy?)
It turns out that Kat gets to wear a unitard and be set on fire. I'm sure by this point, she wants to go back to nudity.
Kat and Peeta make some jokes with each other about burning, and get on their chariot. Cinna sets them on fire. They roll into the crowd. Everyone loves Kat.
And that's basically it...

Try to resist the urge to eat yourself...

I'm back! But still quite lazy...
So, Kat and Peeta bring the vomitatious Haymitch to his room. Kat leaves Peeta to clean Haymitch's chest hair. Lovely. Also, they're still on the train. How big is it? Because I'm picturing it as a Versailles-sized train.
Kat decides a nice Peeta is bad, so she throws away the cookies Peeta's dad gave her. They land by a dandelion, and Kat talks about how, when she was starving, dandelions gave her hope. I think symbolism is usually supposed to be subtle, but the author must be afraid that we are too dumb to understand without an explanation. Kat talks about her gatherin of plants, and how she began hunting. She mentions that Peeta's dad likes to eat squirrels. Because, you know, who doesn't? Kat mentions finding a pond once and eating some fish and Katniss.
What?
Katniss ate Katniss?
It was only after rereading this passage that I realised that she was talking about a plant called "katniss", not herself. I'm proud of her for not gnawing off her arm.
Kat thinks about her family, then goes to sleep. She is woken by overly cheerful Effie. She goes to breakfast and drinks hot chocolate for the first time. She also immediately recognizes the orange juice, despite her claim that she's only had an orange once before. Hmmmmm. Veeeeeeeery suspicious...
Haymitch is drinking again. He merrily says, "Here's some advice. Stay alive."
*drama alarm rings*
Peeta is not amused. He knocks over Haymitch's drink. Haymitch slaps Peeta. Kat nearly stabs Haymitch. This drama makes Haymitch happy, he thinks Kat and Peeta might actually have a chance. Kat throws a knife at the wall. Hooray for keeping the train nice.
Soon, they are approaching the Capitol, Panem. Kat mentions that the colours look fake, and that she hopes her stylist doesn't think nudity is fashionable.

Keep reading next time to find out if Kat has to appear before the entire country completely naked!

I'll update eventually...

Probably. Maybe. Some time when I'm not as lazy. Sorry.

Chapter 3: Cookies and Soup for Katniss! :D

So Kat is taken into custody in some fancy building to say goodbye. She tells her mother and Prim to take care of themselves. She forbids Prim from taking tessarae. It seems like if she loses, she won't be able to hold Prim to that promise. She promises that she'll win. Again with the easily breakable promises. Her family leaves.
Peeta's dad comes in. He gives her cookies and promises to make sure Prim eats. Then they sit in awkward silence, because Kat will be trying to kill his son.
Next, Madge he mayor's daughter comes in. She gives Kat a gold pin. Then Gale comes in, and they discuss if killing a person is like killing an animal.
Kat leaves the building, desperately trying not to cry. Peeta cries. They get on a really fast train.
On the train, Kat takes a shower for the first time in her life. I sincerely hope this just means that she usually takes baths, not that she never washes. She looks at her pin, and says it is a mockingjay. Whaaat?
Kat explains that mockingjays are a Capitol failure. They make muttations, or mutts, which are animals that they have genetically modified into weapons. This view of genetic modification makes me suspicious that the author may own an organic grocery. Anyways, the Capitol created jabberjays to listen to rebels and report back. But the rebels were too clever, so they got rid of the jabberjays, who mated with mockingbirds, creating mockingjays.
Hooray for ignoring chromosome numbers! Next there'll be an oceloctopus, an ocelot-octopus baby. Because it's so biologically sound.
Kat goes to dinner. Effie mentions that Kat and Peeta have much nicer table manners than last year's tributes. So Kat makes a point of wiping her fingers on the tablecloth. After eating lots of rich food, Kat feels sick. She mentions that in the past, she has eaten a soup made of mouse meat, pig entrails, and tree bark. Of course she has! Isn't that everyone's favourite?
They watch a video of other reapings. Kat and Peeta laugh at Haymitch's stage dive. Effie flips out. Then Haymitch comes in. Of course, he is drunk. He pukes on the floor, and Effie...I'm not sure what Effie does... It seems like she dances through the vomit puddle, but that seems unlikely given her stance on table manners.
Whatever. The chapter ends with a vomit puddle.

So, I actually do have pictures for these posts. I'm just too lazy to post them. I'll have to have a make-up picture day.
You may have noticed my dreadful spelling. It's because I've found it easier to read while blogging on an iPod than to read while blogging on a computer. Sorry.
Also, I'm shortening Katniss's name to Kat from now on. Again with the lazy thing.
I appreciate any comments/constructive criticism. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to work on part 3.
-Bisky

Chapter 2: Killing the person who saved you isn't a very classy way to thank them

Katniss is shocked.
She maybe falls down, or maybe the boy standing next to her just wanted to feel her arm. She talks about her terrible shock. Then she does something that's an equal mix of stupid and brave.
She runs forward, announcing that she'll take Prim's spot. Prim, of course, freaks out. So does Effie, but in more of an "Um, that's not protocol" sort of way. But then she gets all "Yaaay! Katniss just didn't want her sister to get the glory! LOL!"
The mayor doesn't seem excited. Katniss think he might remember her from when her father died. I think she's imagining that. There are 8000 people in the city. Katniss's father was not the only one to die in the mines.
No one claps for Katniss. They all kiss their hands silently. It's supposed to be farewell to one you love, or something.
Charming Haymitch talks about how much he likes Katniss. He tries to hug her. Then he falls off the stage.
The boy champion is called. His name is Peeta Mellark.
Katniss flips out. She doesn't want it to be him. I'm guessing she had plans to leave Gale for this Peeta boy.
Oh, now she's explaining. After her dad died, her mom just sat around being sad. So hey were starving to death, so Katniss tried to sell random junk for food. No one bought it. So she went through the baker's trash cans until the baker's wife came and yelled at her. Then the baker's son, Peeta, burned some bread and snuck it to Katniss.
As the chapter ends, Katniss reminds us that the odds are that someone else will kill Peeta. What a cheerful girl.

Chapter 1: Cell phones, a vital source of nutrition.

Katniss, the narrator wakes up. She mentions her sister Prim havin nightmares, and ominously connects these nightmares to "the Reaping". Scary. She watches her mother and Prim sleep. She goes on and on about how beautiful her mother once was, and compares Prim to a raindrop. Then she talks about her ugly cat, Buttercup, who hates her. She says, "Entrails. No hissing. His is the closest we will ever come to love." I'm guessing that Katniss is lying, and that Buttercup will end up to be a badly named handsome prince, who Katniss will fall in love with.
Katniss goes to a fence. It's supposed to be electrified, but it's not because they don't have very reliable electricity. So she climbs it to find one of several bow and arrow sets she has hidden in the woods. Something about the way she describes her life makes things seem much too easy.
Katniss talks about how her father made all this possible, then died. She mutters (growl) about starving to deth in safety. Then she goes to find Gale, her best friend. He calls her Catnip. I wonder if she's going to abandon Buttercup for Gale?
Gale and Katniss make fun of someone and odds being ever in their favor, while tossing blackberries into the air and eating them. This is a rather boring scene if you picture them eating actual berries. However, it becomes hillarious if you picture them eating fancy cellphones instead.
Gale mentions running away. The conversation somehow turns to children, and gets really awkward. Katniss keeps telling us that she doesn't think of Gale in *that* way, but it's obvious she's lying. Poor Buttercup will be heartbroken.
Katniss and Gale go trading. They talk about wild dog soup with an old lady, and bring strawberries to the mayor. The mayor's daughter, Madge, greets them. She's dressed nicely, and some tactless comments from all parties lead to Gale being grumpy an's Katniss explaining tessarae. Basically, you can enter in the Reaping extra times to get food.
Katniss goes back home. She bathes and dresses. Her mother fixes her hair. Prim has trouble keeping her shirt tucked in. Yawn.
Everyone goes to the square. All the kids are roped off to be Reaped. They explain that the districts rebelled against the Capitol and have to send kids to fight to the death as part of the Treaty of Treason. Katniss's district, 12, has only had 2 champions. Only one still survives. His name is Haymitch, and-oh look! He's stumbling onto the stage drunk!
Haymitch is very charming. He hugs Effie Trinket, the lady Katniss was making fun of earlier. She looks revolted. She has pink hair. I wonder what pink hair smells like. Does it smell like candy floss?
Effie reaches in to draw a girl's name. Katniss hopes it isn't her.


It isn't Katniss. It's Prim.
The chapter ends here, dramatically.

The big announcement...

All of you (and by that, I mean no one) have been begging me to hint at what book I plan to blog. So now that I finally have a copy, you get to know!

So, I haven't started yet...oh, well. I've heard good things about it, but it has a positive review from Smeyer. I hope she's better at picking stories than writing them...


That's all I really have to say.
-Bisky

Um, hi?

Yaaay! I'm blogging. Well, not yet, really. *waits for books to blog* But yes, hi! That's it! I'm so exciting, aren't I?